It happens every time.
Every. Time.
Our youngest son Clyde will run up to you, a perfect stranger, and shoot off a line from his current favorite movie or YouTube video as a means of social introduction. The lines sound a little bit like this,
"Listen Ma'am, I know you're upset!" (The Incredibles) or
"Nobody messes with UglyDiaper22" (YouTube) or
"Just a water bug! Nothin' to see here." (The Bee Movie)
His comments rarely make any sense in the context of the conversation. That's okay. He doesn't mind. He'll just keep right on talking to you until he decides he's finished his side of the discussion. Then he'll giggle and hop away. Don't worry about saying much. It's okay to be baffled. It happens to the best of us now and then. Even those of us who are Clyde experts.
Other things you may want to be aware of when socially interacting with our family -
Even though you've just met, Clyde may treat you like you're his best friend and sit on your lap and touch your earlobe, and/or your hair. Especially if you happen to look a little bit like Grandma. He may even call you "Grandma" because at our house, "Grandma" is an idea as well as a person.
It's possible he will hug your youngest, smallest children because he can't get over how adorable they are. Sorry if any tiny people fall down or get a little squished under his not-so-tender care. We're attempting to teach him to restrain his exuberance. He really does think babies and toddlers are cute. At least until they touch his stuff.
Clyde may also treat you like you're a piece of furniture in the room and refuse to acknowledge your presence. We have no explanation for this phenomenon and why it may or may not apply to you. You can ask him questions, but he will most likely not answer you. Don't take it personally. It takes him time to warm up. This year was the first year he finally started to acknowledge my Dad. He calls him, "That weird guy who likes to tickle me".
And of course... there's an outside chance that Clyde will have a full-blown meltdown over your presence. A meltdown which may or may not include slumping dramatically to the floor, crying, screaming that he hates me, you, and everyone, calling everyone he can see, "jerks", and demanding that you leave. Sorry you have to sit awkwardly at my kitchen table and leaf through farming magazines while we figure it out. It takes time, and popsicles, to calm him down. We're working on it, I promise.
Oh, and be aware - Henry will talk your ear off and play with your children to any degree you will allow him. This behavior stems from not always having an engaged playmate at home. Brother Clyde needs a lot of alone time and patient, quiet, occasionally-one-sided play. Henry's mostly understanding, but does feel a bit lonely at times and will very likely smother your children with attention, love, magic tricks, math questions, hugs, silly behavior, and jokes. It's possible this will be irritating for you and/or your child. Please forgive us while we try to teach him appropriate social boundaries. We live in a home with very limited social constraints - for autism purposes and comfortability.
We're weird. Maybe that sounds like an odd thing to say, but it's true - we're totally okay with it though, so don't worry. We have one child on the autism spectrum and one with sensory processing disorder and ADHD, so our whole family vibe may feel a little strange to you. We deviate from the norm. We do weird things like serve rice and cucumbers with every single meal. We set a lot of timers and play a lot of Minecraft. We have a therapy swing in our living room. Stuff like that. Feel free to ask questions. Sometimes talking about the weird stuff makes it less weird for everyone.
We're trying to find that thin line between letting our kids engage with others - and making sure our guests feel comfortable. I'd love it if this line were always clear, but sometimes it just isn't. If we seem too "Knock that off, kids," or too "Let it fly, boys," it's because we've most likely misjudged your level of comfort and are attempting to adjust accordingly. Give us some time to get to know you and things will eventually smooth out.
Lastly - Socializing can be hard for us. For all of us. Sometimes, we want things to run smoothly and they don't. Sometimes we have to pack it in earlier than we expected. Sometimes we have to handle a meltdown in the parking lot of the Spray Park. Our kids usually need extra supervision, and sometimes it's hard to find the energy to want to supervise. Socializing takes extra effort for our family, so sometimes, we have to say no, even when we want to say yes - and sometimes we say yes when we should've said no. We do our best to show up for you. Thanks for letting us try.
If you're wondering - yes, this is hard on us - the parents. We watch our beautiful perfect children try to navigate a world they don't always understand, and it's hard to watch them struggle. It's also hard to sacrifice the 'normal' playdates, hang-outs, and relationships that other Moms and Dads seem to get. It's hard to try and plan a perfect 'family 'n friends' social event. We spend hours trying to eliminate possible meltdown scenarios, and it's frustrating when, after all of that work, it doesn't pan out. We do get embarrassed. We do feel ashamed over things we know we can't control. We do have moments where we long for a regular routine, a "typical child" moment, and an understanding ear. We do. We can't help it. We're only human.
So - To the People Attempting to Socialize with Us:
Thanks for trying, and trying again.
Thanks for inviting us even though it's not always easy to have us.
Thanks for putting in real effort with my children.
Thanks for not judging us when things, and kids, blow up.
Thanks for believing in us and praying for us.
We truly do cherish and appreciate you for it.
Love,
The Harkers
